Smothered

Feelings of inadequacy

Feelings of loss and sorrow

Feelings of guilt and shame



Tried to change them and make them right

Don't know if it's too late for that

SAD



No privacy ever

Need privacy everyday

How do you explain this to someone else

Need 5 mins



Want you to leave so that I may be alone

Feel bad

Want to say it



Can't even grieve in peace

Putting it off for awhile now

Can't have privacy, can't grieve

Support is nice, but need ALONE time



Been distracting myself with other forms of entertainment

Avoiding grieving at all costs

Liquid form

Form of flesh

Sometimes lies

Always a fake smile



Wanting to know my "inner thoughts"

Those are mine

I don't want to share those with him

Why would I

Why am I the only one that works

I have so much anger

Its building



My Bean would be so disappointed

I know he knows from where he is

He wants to know how I always end up this way

When will i make good choices



Probably never Bean

At least it seems that way now

Don't lose hope

At least he is nice and no abuse in any way, shape or form

You know him

He's a good person, just so smothering



I don't like smothering

I need time

Distance

Space

My own........

I don't have the means as of now......

Or probably the strength....



I like to think i am strong

and independent

I AM

I have come so far from the 21 year old married girl with a child

the light of her life

I have endured

I will endure again

Just give me space, time, and air

He won't though

He doesn't get it or really understand me at all

I was wrong



Just because you're nice and not abusive

doesn't mean your "the one".......

Misguided intentions once again.......................

Help, I am being smothered..............................................................