GRIEF

is there a way to explain
i don't think there is
i miss my son, my baby, my everything

people don't understand
they say they do, but unless you've been there,
you don't
thank god you don't

i want him back so badly that it hurts
i pray i will see him in a crowd and that i
was just dreaming this nightmare
i wish i could wake up

i look for him late at night when i am supposed
to be sleeping
who sleeps, without pills, there is no sleeping
i wait for him to come to me, but he doesn't

i call his name and tell him it's ok, but still he doesn't

why did he go away, he was still a child
what kind of deity or god would take away my beautiful
boy
there is none, that must be the answer

where is my son
why can't i see or talk to him
he was thee most important thing in my life
now he's gone and i cannot, will not accept it

the bereaved parents say you have to accept it
i will not
i wonder what's the point sometimes
why go to work
why have friends
why pay bills
why why why
all mundane

then i think of my dd and i know that i cannot leave
her
she has had more than her share and i will not do that
to her
she would be so lost and sad without me

i need to take a break........

apparently a long break....
i miss you alex
my beautiful boy
when will i see you again?

please make it soon....i hate
living without you
i have put my feelings in the "box"
and i refuse to take the lid off

how am i supposed to do that and survive
at the same time
you were my everything and i love you so
much

just let me see and hear and talk to you again
please alex please....